WARNING! FUCKING MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI AHEAD! AS WELL AS ALL THE OTHERS, I SUPPOSE, BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THOSE YET YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE, SO MOSTLY WARNING ABOUT THE FUCKING MASSIVE LAST JEDI SPOILERS!
Well, I was probably always bound to do this eventually, I was going to wait until Episode IX came out, but fuck it why not do it now? Right, you know how these work, worst-to-best and why, so without further ado, let's get on with this. (BTW, Theatrical releases only)
#10: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
If this list is a dinner party, then Clone Wars is the guest you only invited to make up the numbers and because they know everyone else is coming and to not invite them would be awkward. Clone Wars really is kind of a nothing-movie to me, a movie-length pilot episode for the Clone Wars animated series. which, while occasionally pretty damn good, I found mostly mediocre to okay. There's not really much else I can say about it, the story was uninvolving, it came after Revenge of the Sith so there was precisely zero investment to be had in the arcs of most of the characters, because you know how it's going to end up anyway.
The only saving grace of this film would be introducing Ahsoka Tano, the most interesting original character in the Clone Wars series (haven't seen Rebels yet, but I'm glad to hear she's in it.) Other than that nothing worth mentioning happens, and if the vocal talents of both Christopher Lee and Samuel L. Jackson fail to improve your movie, there is no help for it.
#9: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
It shouldn't surprise most people that this one falls where it does, Phantom Menace has its problems, but at least it wasn't boring. I should say before I sound like a hater that I like, and will happily watch all of the Star Wars movies, but Clones is probably the one I most need friends around to help me enjoy it.
There's stuff to like about this one to be sure, but these things are often few, far between and short-lived. This installment seems far too preoccupied with a painfully written, and badly acted romance between Anakin and Padme. I've got nothing against romance in my sci-fi, but I do ask that it's done...y'know...well...or at least have dialogue that comes across like something a human being might say (no, not even a sheltered space-monk with no experience is exempt from this rule) The saving graces here are that said dialogue is occasionally unintentionally funny. As such the movie remains as quotable as any of the Star Wars movies, albeit for slightly different reasons, There are some fun performances to be seen, Ewan McGregor is consistently entertaining throughout the entire prequel trilogy as Obi-Wan, and here is no exception. Christopher Lee is Christopher Lee, he was never not a great addition to any cast. there are snippets of good action strewn throughout but as I said, few, far-between and short-lived. Overall, I'd probably need to be doing something else through this one if I was alone, strictly "on in the background while you do other things" or "night in with friends in a particular mood" viewing.
#8: Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
This is the movie that I have seen the most times in theatres, I won't tell you how many times, but I will say it's going to be a tough record to beat. The Phantom Menace came out when I was eight years old, it wasn't my first exposure to Star Wars, that was a special screening of A New Hope when I was about four or five. But the point of my telling you that was to contextualize that I have a certain nostalgic fondness for this film. That said, I do feel like this is where it belongs (most of the order here probably won't surprise you to be fair.) while it hasn't aged well, the visual effects were great for the time, the score boasts some of John Williams' best work (which is really saying something) and has some genuinely thrilling setpieces. Personally, I love the pod race, and, while admittedly a bit dramatically uninvolving, the three-way lightsaber duel at the end is certainly a spectacle to behold. This said, every popular criticism is valid. I don't hate Jar Jar Binks, like, at all, but he is occasionally mildly irritating. That's it though, at the worst of times, mildly irritating, I'll even go as far as to say I found his battle-slapstick funny, he's fine, so just chill out about him already! The story is also all over the place, there are three climactic battles at once as opposed to one, this is a minor problem, but there are more serious ones. This movie does not have a protagonist, or it has so many as to render the distinction pointless and the direction of the story irrelevant. You could level either criticism at the writing and they would make equal sense.
I don't want to harp on this one, everything I could say has been said many times by many people, but overall, I still enjoy this one when I'm in the mood for it, but I have to admit it's not a good film.
#7: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Is anyone surprised that the prequel trilogy is lumped together here? I don't expect so. I'm not going to waste time going through what most people will know already, many of the same complaints about the other two prequels are still present here, the overreliance on CGI that isn't really good enough to warrant it, the ham-fisted (yet innately quotable) dialogue, the mostly unbelievable character logic, all here. But for once, the good parts in the rest of the movie come together with this stuff to make something that I would not call a bad film, it's not a great one by any means, it's definitely flawed, but by no means bad. John Williams' score remains great as ever, Ewan McGregor is still a great Obi-Wan and the admittedly still overly-choreographed lightsaber fights do manage to be a lot more dramatically involving this time around. Ian McDiarmid steals every single scene, this one is worth watching for him alone, I'd watch a special edition where he plays everyone quite frankly. I feel like the prequel trilogy, in general, is not as bad as people say it is, but this one, in particular, deserves another watch if you've been avoiding them, you might find you like it more than you remember.
#6: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
I feel like I should say that, if these were all taken as standalone features, Rogue One would probably make it a lot higher on the list, it's easily a significantly improved display of filmmaking to everything thus far, but that's the thing, it's not a standalone film, it's a Star Wars film, and its place in the franchise just can't place it any higher for me, as much as I like it. Released as part of Disney's initiative to rake in those Star Wars ticket sales every year without missing a Christmas expand the Star Wars universe while the proper numbered installments were still in development, Rogue One tells the story of how the Rebel Alliance came by the Death Star plans immediately before the events of the original film. Mechanically, I struggle to think of many wrongs with this one if I'm being honest, it's clearly a different animal from the rest of the franchise, in fact, if anything this would be just about the best Star Wars Battlefront adaptation you could hope to make. Not that I imagine that was the intention, but therein lies the problem.
The part of the established story occupied by Rogue One is so small as to be almost inconsequential, it's a big-budget expanded universe entry, and I like that, I see no reason not to do that if you have Disney money behind you. But answering a question most didn't ask, with characters that won't be around afterward is as good a statement of intent as any to indicate that this film is, by design, disposable.
Again, it's not that there's anything wrong with that, the cast of characters, arch and broad though they may be, is a ton of fun, K-2SO is the driving force for the humor, imagine if you will, a sassy C-3PO who isn't afraid to blast a fool. This attitude is prevalent throughout the entire cast, which seem to exist to show the not-so-squeaky-clean side of the Rebel Alliance. The notable exception to this rule is Donnie Yen's Chirrut Imwe, a moral contrast and interesting look at what Force practitioners outside of the Jedi order might look like.
Mads Mikkelson is also great as Jyn Erso's under-protest scientist dad Galen, and he's covered up that not-really-a-plot hole from the first Death Star, another question that didn't need answering, but I'm not sad it has been. That's really the whole thing with Rogue One. It's not essential viewing, it's strictly for-the-fans who want to delve a bit deeper into the lore. It's only because of this inconsequential place in the canon that it's not higher on the list, it's a really good way to kill a few hours, even if you haven't seen Star Wars before, but most who haven't probably won't bother, unfortunately.
I do have to reiterate, Rogue One is a fantastic movie, and I really struggled with where to put it.
#5: Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
It was always going to be hard deciding where to put this one, I fall safely into the camp of people that liked the movie, I like The Force Awakens. This movie may not be the best in the franchise, but it was never trying to be. the whole marketing campaign around this film was about comebacks, the original cast making a comeback for one last big spotlight in this universe. Practical effects were making a comeback, in essence. Star Wars as the fans knew and loved, was making a comeback.
Whatever you think of JJ Abrams he is an exceptional mimic of the Star Wars style, whatever else you might say about him, he gets why Star Wars was special. and brings a similar feeling in this, a two-hour love letter to the original trilogy.
Yes, that's what this is, I wouldn't call it a "remake disguised as a sequel" as I have heard some describe it, but it is unquestionably a tribute to the original trilogy, there are deliberate aesthetic choices that are clearly made for the express purpose of invoking nostalgia, the catwalk scene on
Look I'm not going to list every callback to the original trilogy (mainly A New Hope) invoked by this film, you get the picture, it's a nostalgia trip, but is that such a bad thing?
It had been ten years since the last Star Wars film and the last one was attached to the much-maligned prequels, (whether you happen to like them or not, a lot of people didn't) I would argue that a lot of people could've done with a refresher course on what was so great about Star Wars, to begin with. Sure it's a $200m fan-film, but it knows exactly what it is and is a damn good version of it. I would argue that that's all it needed to be.
I haven't even talked about the film beyond comparison yet, so let's do that. The new main characters introduced are instantly likable and for a while, Finn and Rey seem to be jostling for the position of protagonist. Eventually of course it falls to Rey...oh fucking hell I can't avoid it so I might as well open it up now, it's as good a time as any I suppose.
REY, IS NOT, AND DOES NOT EVEN APPROACH BEING, A MARY SUE, ESPECIALLY IN THE CONTEXT OF STAR WARS
To call Rey a Mary Sue, when talking about Star Wars betrays only that you don't understand either thing. Or that you're not paying much attention at all, one or the other. All of Rey's skills are easily explained by what we know of her background and upbringing and the fact that she has thus far survived them. She's a junker, she needs to strip derelict ships down to feed herself and survive, of course, she'd know how spaceships work! Also, she grew up alone on a desert planet near a settlement populated by scavengers, if she hadn't learned to defend herself, she'd be dead. Thirdly, all of this falls into utter insignificance next to the fact that she's massively force sensitive, a common trait of which is being a fast learner, and also being very intuitive and occasionally just damn lucky. She herself doesn't know what's going on half of the time. Is that a get-out-of-a-tricky-situation free card? Yeah, absolutely, does it make someone a Mary Sue? No, no it doesn't, not at all, not even close. Also she only beat Kylo Ren because he was A) clearly emotionally compromised, and B) just coming off getting gut-shot by a REALLY FUCKING POWERFUL WEAPON in Chewie's crossbow, (y'know, the thing that several times, blows away a few stormtroopers at once?) He tanked that fucker and walked it off, if he'd been 100%, she'd have no chance. (this was demonstrated earlier in the film when he was 100% and effortlessly paralyzed and captured her in seconds)
Oh by the way...Finn was a janitor..don't see anyone complaining that he can use a lightsaber, even with his basic Stormtrooper training that's less believable than Rey, who habitually uses a melee weapon, being able to use one.
Okay, sorry, now that that's out of the way, the returning original trilogy cast members are all great, you know what to expect from them by now. Finn is a great secondary protagonist and occasional comic relief, we don't get to see Poe much but enough to make him interesting, and Kylo Ren is...an interesting one, I wasn't really on board with him at first, but he eventually grew on me, the whole story of The Force Awakens is pretty meta. Being about a younger generation inheriting the galaxy and its struggles in the same way the cast of younger actors have to inherit the mantle of carrying the franchise. This film does little more in the grand scheme of things than set them up to attempt that, but, again, that's all that was needed.
The score is excellent as usual as is the scenery, if I tend not to mention those it's just because Star Wars has always been so consistent for me in that regard. JJ Abrams gets some criticism for playing it safe, but it's done with such a permeating affection for the franchise that I can't mark him down for it. Also, *spoler alert* the choice to kill off Han Solo couldn't have been an easy one to make, even if it was kind of an obvious one in hindsight and during the scene itself pretty much everyone saw it coming a mile away. (It still wasn't easy to watch.) The worst thing I can say is that the tendancy to ape the original trilogy keeps this film from reaching the same heights as those ones did.
#4: Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
I expect you're surprised that this is the first original trilogy entry on the list, I'm not doing a full run-down, you've seen this one or you wouldn't be reading this. Obviously this is a great film, it's the one that started this whole universe, gave birth to the single biggest franchise on the planet and changed the rules of science fiction, serialized films and visual effects, basically forever. It will never get enough praise for that.
But this isn't an objective appraisal of cultural impact (if it were, this would be number one without question) this is just my personal order of preference, and while I do love this film, there are a few things holding it back for me. Firstly, I don't like Luke for much of this one, he's annoying and whiny and doesn't seem to care a bit when his family are murdered in cold blood. Even as a kid that didn't feel right to me. My problems are mostly with him to be fair, but he is the protagonist, it is kind of important that he be likable, or if he's not, make that part of the story.
Those concerns of mine are pretty minor though, this is still a great watch even if some parts of it haven't aged well, Alec Guinness's performance as the original Obi-Wan Kenobi cannot possibly be overstated. Harrison Ford was such a perfect fit for Han Solo I don't even care about Luke and how hard I find it to like him. Not to take away from Mark Hamill, he's...fine, but I get the sense he's kinda green at this point or at the very least hasn't grown into the role. Carrie Fisher sells the character of a not-so-secretly badass princess brilliantly, and Darth Vader was the first villain in a film to actually terrify me (well it was either him or the child-catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I was 5...I think but I'm pretty sure I saw this first.) I remember being taken to see this in a special screening at my local cinema, and after it had finished, my then-stepdad mentioned we had the video, so I went home and watched it again.
So yeah don't let it's placement in comparison to the other two of the trilogy fool you there's about a hair's bredth between them, but for me, this is where it goes.
#3: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
"WHAT!?" I hear you say. "putting Jedi ahead of A New Hope!? the very idea!" What can I say? I get very slightly more enjoyment out of this one. I'll acknowledge that, of course, I wouldn't get nearly as much out of it without the other two backing it up, but because the other two are, and never won't be, I'm putting it here. Everything good about the others is still here, and Luke actually became likable in the last one so he's not dragging it down for me anymore, the Ewoks don't bother me, at all. but then I first saw this on video soon after A New Hope. So I was 5, certainly no older than 6, so maybe I'm just blinded by nostalgia. All I can tell you is that I liked, in particular the Sarlacc-pit fight scene so much that I think I broke that part of the tape by rewinding it too much. (even if the movie was finished, I never stopped the tape before rewinding, I don't think that was good for it.)
Even rewatching this as an adult, I find myself oddly preferring it to the original, even while being able to acknowledge it's not as good conventionally, I guess nostalgia is a powerful thing, but to put it all on that does this film a disservice. It's great in its own right, not even in spite of the Ewoks (though certainly not because of them either) they're fine, and C-3PO being mistaken for a god was a really fun direction to take that in.
Luke's character arc has to be the star of the show this time, and his final confrontation with Vader and the Emperor easily trumps any highlights from anything lower on this list. I gave him crap for being unlikable in A New Hope but throughout Empire and a good stretch of this, he becomes so much more sympathetic. He took some warming up to but he did get there. There are also so many highlights in this one that are impossible to ignore, Vader's redemption, the Emperor, just...in general, again, I would pay any amount of money to see a re-release of the Star Wars saga where Ian McDiarmid plays every character as the Emperor, regardless of the age or gender of the character he's supposed to be, he's that compelling to watch. (I also just think that would be really funny)
Return of the Jedi is often cited as a let-down, but it's a great time to be had it is my firm belief that this assumption is only because it had its immediate predecessor to follow, speaking of...
#2: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Okay, I know you were all expecting this to be number one, hell I was too, even after I started writing it, the switching of places is a last-minute decision upon seeing both films again that I may regret immediately after posting this...actually I won't that's just something I thought of saying to mollify people who wouldn't like it, but even so, this was not an easy decision to make.
The thing about Empire is that to fully appreciate it, you have to appreciate the time in which it happened. I wasn't born yet, and wouldn't be for another decade or so, but I've heard enough accounts of people that were to at least have some idea of the impact left by this film.
Sure the twist of Vader being Luke's father seems like the most cliché thing in the world today, but at the time it was a genuinely shocking revelation (to this day I'm seeing reaction videos of people who still, somehow, haven't seen the film and Somehow have never learned the twist through cultural osmosis. For some reason I never get tired of seeing the reveal)
Of course, that twist wouldn't have meant all that much if it hadn't come at the end of an already-stellar film that takes the characters we met in the last one and gives them a ton of great development. All while introducing a couple of new ones including everyone's favourite muppet, Yoda. (voiced by Miss Piggy...try not hearing that now) There's more character work here than in your average season of a TV series these days, and it doesn't feel overstuffed. the scenery, as ever is brilliant as is the score, it's John Williams what do you expect? The Empire Strikes Back features every facet of Star Wars at it's most potent. Darth Vader at his scariest, Han Solo at his wittiest, Yoda at his most whimsical, the Empire at it's most intimidating (Approaching AT-ATs anyone?) and all of this with a tight script some bold twists and a hitherto-unheard-of down-note to end on, for the longest time this movie was untouchable, which bring me to...
#1: Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)
Nah I'm just kidding, can you imagine?
Actual #1: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
In all seriousness, I'm as suspicious of my own opinion as anyone else here, but I know what my opinion is, and it's telling me that The Last Jedi is the best Star Wars film to date. I'm not gonna bother reviewing it, as I already did that last time I updated this blog, but I am gonna go into why I think it belongs at the top, one more warning, INCOMING MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILERS! DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN IT!
I absolutely love the way this film treats the story so far, in particular the plot threads set forth by The Force Awakens, to put it bluntly, much like Luke does with his old lightsaber, it takes one look at them and chuck's 'em right off a cliff! In any other situation, I would probably not like that, but in this particular instance, it's done so well, and I like the result so much, that I cannot help but see this as the best one, see, much like Empire did way back when, this movie gave us a couple of plot twists that we really should've seen coming, but in doing so turned the entire universe on its head in a lot of ways.
But Last Jedi did all that, 37 years AFTER Empire had already done it, and in the internet age where such a thing should've been impossible! I can't really elaborate without going into detail, so let's.
The two big questions being asked by the fandom at large, were "Who are Rey's parents?" and "Who is Supreme Leader Snoke? The answer to both ends up being the same, no Snoke isn't Rey's father. The answer to both is ultimately, "it doesn't matter" Snoke, it turned out, was a red-herring. He shows up for a couple of scenes and then gets unceremoniously killed off for Kylo Ren to assume his mantle of Supreme Leader. As for Rey's parents, yeah they're no one important, a couple of junkers who sold her for beer money. they've been dead for ages, they don't matter.
This film is a statement of intent to take Star Wars in a new direction, the main theme of the movie seems to be one of moving on, another quite meta plotline for the franchise, indeed, if Star Wars is to keep going for the long-haul (and it will) it's going to have to move on and let go of certain things, as Kylo Ren himself says "it's time to let old things die" and to this end The Last Jedi takes some very rewarding chances. The movie itself is an entertaining ride from start to finish but more than that it's a masterclass in character writing, I had a feeling about this from The Force Awakens but Rey is now unquestionably my favourite Star Wars protagonist. Mark Hamill gives the best performance he's ever given as an old and jaded Luke Skywalker, who refuses to couch the idea that the Jedi should continue to exist, until Yoda turns up as a puppet force-ghost and tells him to get over himself and his old way of doing things. Assuring Luke that the Jedi religion couldn't have given Rey anything she didn't have already. Eventually Luke shows up for one of the best climaxes in the franchise before passing on and becoming one with the force, Luke Skywalker is dead.
Carrie Fisher gets a huge part this time around and I'm glad she does as this is the last time we'll ever get to see her as Leia, and I loved the way she used the force to keep herself alive in the vacuum of space and pull herself back aboard her ship, I'm glad we got to see her use the force once. But unlike its predecessor, this movie very much belongs to the younger cast several named characters, like Admiral Ackbar are just killed off-screen
Adam Driver comes into his own as Kylo Ren and soon does away with (and destroys) his totally-not-Darth-Vader mask, making as clear a statement as any that he's done invoking nostalgia and ready to be his own villain now, the same can be said of the rest of the cast too.
Rey's surprise origins as no one special made the Star Wars universe feel so much bigger to me, for the first time in this franchise, not everything has to be connected, not everyone has to be special by birthright, there are no big dumb prophecies and you don't have to be a fucking Skywalker to be strong in the force.
I could gush about this all day, but Star Wars: The Last Jedi sets up for the franchise to continue in the long-run, by bravely moving on from some of the old things that while beloved, were definitely something of an anchor. The Force Awakens may have been comfortable, familiar and a great throwback. but The Last Jedi made Star Wars feel new, unpredictable and exciting again, it is a legitimately great work of cinema that just happens to also be Star Wars. It made me feel like a little kid again with anticipation, and I couldn't love it enough for that. The Last Jedi is the best Star Wars movie, come, the fuck at me!
Also, that lightspeed kamikaze, holy shit!
So, TL:DR, here's the order
10: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
9. Episode II: Attack of the Clones
8. Episode I: The Phantom Menace
7 Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
6. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
5. Episode VII: The Force Awakens
4.Episode IV: A New Hope
3. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
2. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
1. Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
I don't expect a lot of people to agree with everything, but hopefully you'll have got something out of this. I don't know if I'll post again for a while, this was an undertaking, Happy Life Day
I don't expect a lot of people to agree with everything, but hopefully you'll have got something out of this. I don't know if I'll post again for a while, this was an undertaking, Happy Life Day
