The Right to "Writer" and some ADHD musings

 

I'd call myself a writer, if I thought I had the right.

But to earn the right to "writer", at some point, you have to write.

So people who ask what I do, will get a smile, polite.

I'd tell them I'm a writer, but do I have the right?

 

That little rhyme came to me as I was looking around my local corner shop in full knowledge of what I was there for, and where it was, but it was raining outside and I wasn't in a hurry to go back out in it. 

I struggle to nail down what my actual reputation is among my circle of friends. I've been called many completely contradictory things depending on who I was talking to. But one thing that is generally often said to me regadless is that I'm "creative", and while I certainly appreciate the compliment, I can't help but think of it as a bit of a misnomer. Creative people create things, and I seem to struggle with that part. It's generally known among people I talk to that I fancy myself a writer, but I don't really have much to show for that.

I have a lot of ideas, sure, but the ratio of those that materialise in any way to those that...don't is, well, not worth mentioning really. I once did a short piece for a showcase in college, it was a dramatised non-sequitor about how I can never seem to finish anything and my ideas splinter off and get away from me.

That was thirteen years ago, I've written things since, a script here, a video essay that I never put into production there. ad-hoc reviews of whatever I see at the cinema, whatever thoughts I have that stay in my head long enough to put on this blog arranged to have something resembling a theme. 

Most of the things I've actually managed to finish are things that were completed in one sitting. (with the exception of that video essay script I mentioned, I actually managed to write about 24,000 words on that one, but video editing is even more difficult to maintain for me than writing ends up being) So I don't end up calling myself a writer, despite that being my most notable skill, if I ever affix that label to myself in a bio or something, I tend to pair the word with the elongated asterisk that is the "aspiring" prefix. At least until I finish one of the what, nineteen novels I have the first few pages to a couple of chapters of lying around, to say nothing of that one big one that I keep changing my mind on what I want it to be.

I do other things as well, I have a Youtube channel that has basically devolved into an archive of shitposts, because anything of any complexity is really hard for me to pick up again once I put it down. I am ostensibly a performer, even though opportunities to do so are rare. Did stand up for the first time in a while a few weeks ago at a convention. I didn't think I did very well, but people kept coming up to me and telling me how funny it was, so I'll take that. I also stream on Twitch, but that's more a way to do something I was gonna do anyway and still feel productive, so I don't tend to mention that as much, even though that is by far the thing I manage to do the most consistently.

 I've not managed to get a diagnosis, it's hard to get that done in the UK, what usually happens is you call your GP, they say they'll get back to you about a referral, and then don't. But I'm fairly certain that my trouble with focusing is down to ADHD. I have friends with it who consistently tell me that the experiences I describe line up with it. The inability to do anything important until the last minute, rampant procrastination, even on stuff I want to do, short bursts of hyperfixation with complete inability to follow-up after, being prone to tangents, bad time management, etc, etc. So, whooptie-doo, I have a convenient excuse.

Without a formal diagnosis I'm not getting medicated for it. (edit: I should mention that in the UK, such things are not available for purchase and are tightly-controlled) Absent such, the most I can do to manage it is find whatever way I can to trick my brain into letting me be something resembling productive, I've been taught and picked up a few techniques over the years, none of them work consistently for long, but if you switch them up, sometimes if you can find the right sequence you can stave off the self-loathing for weeks at a time, so I'll write a few of them down here, maybe someone will find them useful. 

1. Make your bed first thing. 

This is probably the easiest one, once you've done that, you already have some momentum going, that's one task finished, you've already got the ball rolling, which is the hardest part. 

2. Make a bullet-point list of small things to do tomorrow

This one can help for the same reasons, it helps keep momentum going, I think it's important you keep the tasks small and manageable, it also just feels good to cross stuff off the list. 

3. the three-minute challenge. 

Put simply, whatever it is you want to get started on, set a timer for three minutes and challenge yourself to do as much as you can within that time, you might actually build some momentum and want to keep going. 

4. Procrasti-work

The problem with all of the previous techniques, is that they're all tasks in themselves, and therefore, on a bad day, can be just as difficult as what they're supposed to help you get moving on. That in mind, always make sure you have two things you should be doing if possible. That way, you can put off one by doing the other, then something gets done either way. (I'm putting off something else to write this even now) 

 5. Association 

This is a very situational one and will only work for specific things, but if you're in the midst of a hyperfixation right now, try to relate it to things you need to get done somehow. 

 6. Gamification 

Another situational one, but if you're having trouble making yourself do something, try to make some kind of a game with it, sort of like the three-minute challenge, but the game can be whatever works with the task. 

7. fidget-work to audio

This will depend entirely on how much attention you need to give your current task, but put on some music, or an audiobook, or a podcast, this will pull on your attention so you won't get bored with whatever you're doing, it helps me get through visits to the gym, or tidying up on the occasion I can make myself do that. 

Side note, tidying up is quite difficult for me, not just because of my physical limitations, but ADHD changes how you interact with a room. (at least I assume that's why based on what I've been able to gather) When I enter a room, there is the room, and whatever in the room has my immediate attention. Everything else is just part of the background for me, if there were anything on the floor I'd go right past it without noticing anything out of the ordinary. I don't even see when the room gets messy, it starts with a can or bottle on the floor, and before I know what's happened I'm sitting in a landfill and I really couldn't tell you when any significant shift happened, nor can I usually get my head around making a start. 

8. don't check social media first thing 

I've been trying to cut down on the scrolling in general really, it's a timesink and can kill any momentum you manage to get. Fact is, I have trouble task-switching, and whenever a person shifts focus from one thing to another, the brain sort of soft-resets itself I think. Scrolling through Facebook and Twitter first thing is an excellent way to drain all your momentum and trap yourself, there's a reason it's called "Doomscrolling." Social media is designed to pull at your focus and keep you engaged, to the more impulsive among us, that's a hell of a trap. Messages are probably fine, but no scrolling until tasks are completed.

9. Spite

There isn't really a nicer way to say that, in the same ways the stress of a deadline can get one with ADHD moving, channeling any anger or negative emotions you might be feeling can do wonders for productivity if you can do it, I think it's the adrenaline. God knows some of the posts on this very blog were written in a state of frustration. I wouldn't recommend relying on this one though.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Hopefully someone with similar struggles to mine will stumble on something they hadn't tried yet. Anyway, I can feel my momentum waning, so I should wrap this up before I put down this laptop and forget what I was doing...or suddenly change my mind and decide this post was a terrible idea and not do it, chances of either happening are about equal.

Review: The Whale

 I feel like I should preface this with a few qualifiers. I don't generally like this type of movie, I don't typically like movies that try to pull on your heartstrings with terminal illness as the story, even when it's done well, it feels like a cheap shot. Even more do I dislike those kind of documentaries that this kind of reminds me of (you know the ones.) Maybe this says somethiing about me, but it feels too close to inspiration porn for my liking. I'm also not typically one for movies that feel like they were made to win Oscars. This film is all of those things. To be frank, my interest in seeing this film began and ended with the fact of Brendan Fraser playing the lead role. So anyway the first thing we see Brendan Fraser do on cinema screens for the better part of twenty years is jack it to gay porn in a fatsuit...

All that said, while The Whale is all of the things I described, it is a very well done version of them. Even if I find the premise distasteful, I cannot fault the performance of Brendan Fraser, or indeed anyone else in this movie. It's largely localised to one room as is Fraser's character himself, and as such films like this live and die on the strength of the cast and their chemistry. Which, as mentioned, is excellent. 

The story is appropriately tragic for an Oscar movie about a morbidly obese man, and more than a little cheesy, which I usually like, but this movie crosses the line from sincere to hokey several times, though rarely enough that it's not an issue, until the end, by which point there's little point in maintaining that veneer anyway, might as well go nuts. It's also based on a play, so I guess it gets a little leeway there for cheesiness if nothing else.

If I had to come up with one word to thematically sum up this film, it would be "judgement." Brendan Fraser's character Charlie secludes himself from the outside world and disables the camera on his zoom calls because he fears the judgement of those around him. As an English professor teaching courses online, his job is to judge the writing of his students. He is judged harshly by his daughter and ex-wife for leaving them for a man, whose ultimate fate was rooted in the judgement of his peers.

Thomas the missionary judges Charlie to be in need of "saving" and is running from judgement in his own story. Charlie's daughter Ellie resents the judgement of others for her falling grades and abraisive personality. Even Liz, Charlie's one constant pillar of support throughout the film and the only one with whom he is visibly comfortable, is not exempt from this theme. 

Sooner or later it all comes back to judgement, which compliments Charlie's fondness for honesty nicely. The one lesson he tries to impart to his students throughout the film is to find their voice and be honest about their perspective. Thematically this film ties together very well, I just wish it didn't feel so mean-spirited about it, though maybe that's the point. 

 It's here I should probably mention my own biases in appraising this film. Growing up as a disabled person, more specifically a wheelchair user, about as visibly disabled as one can be, I have, of course, inevitably been treated, and forced to interact with the world in ways that felt dehumanising. I'm also no stranger to the concept of "Inspiration porn" (A term coined by Stella Young to describe the reduction of disabled people to objects of inspiration, as if we exist to remind you that your life could be worse.) This film put me very much in mind of both things. In particular those, to quote Mitchell and Webb "point and laugh, but in a caring way" documentaries that, to put it lightly I was never a fan of. 

So what I'm saying is, I'm about the farthest thing possible from the target audience of this movie. This should be acknowledged when I tell you I found these aspects of it distasteful. That said, The Whale boasts the performance of Brendan Fraser's career, a very well-written and thematically strong interpersonal drama, and a fantastic supporting cast who all deserve to get a lot more work from this.

Not sure I understand the point of that aspect ratio though...

Reading wrap-up: January 2023

 So I've managed to make myself sit down to read books more, as well as having audiobooks on while I go to the gym, or play repetitive games. and I'm pleased to say I got through a fair few in January, so I thought I'd at least write up my thoughts on them, I might make a Youtube video to this effect as well, but this was written with a blog post in mind, just because that's how I find I can better organise my thoughts. Anyway 

Here are my thoughts on the books I read in January, in the order I read them.

Pyramids by Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

I liked this one, I’d got a feel for the discworld series already, this being book seven. But this is where I really adjusted to the flow of things. Probably has something to do with reading the entire back half in a day, which I am not used to doing, but the lack of chapter divides was less of a problem for me here than it usually would be, and I’ve managed to maintain a much better flow ever since, personally I’d still rather have the chapter breaks, but STP’s lack of them has ceased to be much of a problem. It’s usually pretty easy to guess when I’m expected to stop if I need to now.

I was honestly kind of lukewarm on Teppec. I liked him enough but as Discworld protagonists go he felt like he lacked a certain something. But maybe that’s the point. His lack of agency in the story is very much part of the plot and themes, and didn’t leave him with much room to express himself. Everything is well-told. I had more fun with the supporting cast though, in particular his father the former king, and Ptracy (like how he makes common names look vaguely Egyptian on the page by putting a P in front of them) the pyramid architect whose name I can’t remember. Dios was interesting, but I kind of expected more of a conclusion than the one written. I know by now that Terry Pratchett’s endings aren’t the most climactic all the time, but this one felt like it was setting up for more to me, side note, I loved the bit where all the past kings and queens are helping God-Teppec up the pyramid, which I choose to read as a direct statement of collective action helping him reach heights that not even a God can reach alone. I also love all the little witticisms and commentaries about tradition and belief, but you don’t need me to tell you a Discworld book has great, witty social commentary, you find that peppered throughout the entire series.

Yeah, overall, I liked this book. I found it a lot easier to get through than some before it, definitely an enjoyable read.

Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

Might be my favourite one so far. The first Discworld book I read was Jingo which I was given by a friend years ago, so I was already familiar with Sam Vimes, Carrot and Nobby, but that was quite a while ago, and not to mention a fair bit later into their development than this. So it was interesting to see where these characters began.

So to set the scene, our first character, Carrot, discovers he’s actually human, and not, as he’d always been told, an unusually tall, 6 foot 4 Dwarf. After discovering that he’s adopted he goes to the city of Ankh Morpork to join the City Watch, which he’s told is an honourable job. When he gets there he finds that the existence of the watch is little more than a formality. But carrot, being the sincere naive good boy that he is, resolves to do the best he can.

First off, I love Carrot. He’s so earnest, and his good nature is contagious to those around him. I love that kind of character, someone so wholly good that they can’t help but make the world around them better just by their proximity and refusal to compromise their principles. I was a bit taken aback to see how Sam Vimes started out given how he was in Jingo, but I enjoyed the beginning of his journey a lot, and his budding relationship with Lady Sybill. I have a soft spot for characters who are really passionate about one thing, and her one thing is dragons, which is also a plus, because I like those too.

Discworld stories are often send-ups of genre tropes or parodies of specific works. Guards! Guards! Is sort of a police procedural but by way of several other genres in a unique blend of genre stew with a heavy dose of satire.

The book is full of Pratchett’s usual wit and social commentary, a particular throughline here is what our circumstances can make us do if we let them, and what we in turn can do to better them, the way Vimes goes from being a drunk in the gutter to actually caring about the city is impressively seamless, not to mention it’s just a really fun read, I breezed through this one, at least relative to me, and my attention span akin to that of a concussed goldfish.

Star Wars: The High Republic: Out of the Shadows. by Justina Ireland

I listened to this one on audible, as I do for all Star Wars books. I do that for a few reasons, firstly, I am running short of bookshelf space as it is, and there are a lot of Star Wars books. and secondly, I like the audio-presentation the Star Wars audiobooks generally have, I like to have those on while I’m at the gym or when I play like a fidget-game, something grindy. That’s how I go through all audiobooks really. Also, I find it hard to get invested in Star Wars books enough to buy the print versions, at least the ones that use legacy characters, for reasons that I’ll probably go into another time, but that’s why I’m basically going through the High Republic right now, anyway.

One of those reasons is kind of out of the window for this one because the audio-presentation I like these for, just isn’t there. It’s just a narrator reading, none of the usual music and sound effects. That’s not bad by any stretch, it’s just not what I expected, or usually listen to these for. Having said that, I found this to be one of the better stories I’ve seen out of Star Wars novels in general.

The story is experienced almost entirely from the perspective of one protagonist which helps a lot with the focus here, a problem I have with the High Republic in general is that it throws a lot of locations and characters at you in a short space of time, and I find that pretty hard to keep track of, I had to go through Light of the Jedi twice just to get a feel for who everyone was. But this is less of a problem here, Sylvestri Yarro (I’ve only heard it spoken, so sorry if it’s spelled wrong) is our main protagonist, and I like her. Not normally one for romance subplots, but I kinda found myself rooting for this one, the plot was kinda predictable in places, but not in a way that made it bad.

These books definitely benefit from narrowing their focus, as I’ll get into a little later, as much of a side-story as this was, I still found it compelling. Bonus points for the fact that I didn’t really feel like it was necessary to know anything that came before to follow this one. That definitely helps. Zylan Graff was a fun character to dislike all the way through as well, honourable mention there. Sure, there are a few returning characters, but this works just as well as an introduction for them as any other book so far. So yeah, Out of the Shadows is worth a read. Could actually have pictured myself sitting down with the print version of this.

Faust Eric by Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

I haven’t read a book in one sitting since Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian. Though to be fair this one is very short, as such, I don’t have a huge amount to say about it, except that I enjoyed it a lot. It was nice to see Rincewind again, and I hope not for the last time, he’s as fun as ever. It was nice to get a real look at the creator gods of the disc in a way that put me in mind of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Some nice worldbuilding in the form of a parody of an old legend. So basically Pratchett’s bread and butter. I had fun with this one.

Star Wars: The High Republic: The Fallen Star by Claudia Gray

Okay, Now I’m officially on board for the High Republic. I’ve never been one for the “it gets good several books in” defense, but if you have the constitution to read/listen through several basically good enough books, the High Republic does in fact, get a lot better several books in. Again the story benefits from the narrowing of focus, following only a handful of characters, two of which return from Out of the Shadows, which immediately precedes it, and others from The Rising Storm and a few from Into the Dark which means, yes, our boy Geode is back and so is Leox Gyasi and Bell Zettifar, all of whom I liked. The return of the Out of the Shadows characters is a little jarring, only because, this one has the usual sound effects and music fare, and the narrator gives one of the returning characters a voice that put me in mind of a vastly different image from the one I had before. But I suppose if you’re reading it in print, that won’t be an issue.

As for the story, this is my favourite High Republic book yet. If you haven’t read the series so far you may be a little lost, but there is enough context to keep you in the know as to what’s going on. Claudia Gray is confident and ruthless with the established characters and setting, and there are some real horror vibes at points in this book, without it at any point feeling like a horror story.

There is one little nitpick I want to make, because it annoyed me a disproportionate amount. So, minor spoilers, there is a character called Geode, right? He’s what’s called a Ventian, a sentient rock species, and there’s a lot of tongue-in-cheek jokes there, but at one point, he deflects a blaster bolt to save someone, and the line that explains how he does this, is written exactly like this; “Ventians, could choose whether they were magnetically sealed or not” for reference, blaster bolts riccochet off magnetically sealed surfaces.

The wording on that just really took me out of the moment. I don’t even mind that the concept of a sentient rock being able to do that is ridiculous, a lot of Star Wars is, if you want hard science fiction you’re in the wrong series. But there had to have been so many better ways to word that. “Ventians could magnetically seal themselves at will” or, “project magnetic shielding organically.” in this context it essentially means to be bullet-proof. “I can choose whether I’m bullet-proof or not” just...look I know I’m harping on a single line, in a book I otherwise really enjoyed, but because I otherwise really enjoyed it, that one line sticks out in my head all the more. I freely admit that this is a nitpick, but what can I say? It bothered me.

Other than that one little nitpick though, The Fallen Star is definitely my favourite High Republic book so far. I liked the continuation of Elzar Mann’s story, the characters all feel familiar thanks to the groundwork of reading the series so far. I still don’t think it’s going to convert anyone not already invested in Star Wars, but that’s never been the point of these.

Moving Pictures by Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

This one was fun. I’m not sure if this is a wizards book or something different, forgive me my Discworld ignorance, I’m going through them in release order, but I’d definitely call it “wizard-adjacent.” The main character, Victor, is a student wizard who is incredibly gifted, but also lazy, in such a way that he is always very careful to fail his exams, but with a high enough score to secure continued funding. Also lazy enough to work out and maintain himself so that running away is less effort, that kind of thing.

Throughout this book I really felt the evolution of the Discworld in a way that I hadn’t before, perhaps due to the rapid advance of technology present here, I won’t spoil, but this book is a send up of early Hollywood, but also, more broadly, of the entertainment industry as a whole. Pulling no punches as to how brutal it can be to those working in it, and also reframing film itself as a bizarre, Lovecraftian entity. The business side of “Holy Wood” also finds itself well represented, and hilariously so, by the return of Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler. I may have laughed aloud at the part where he misses the point of subliminal messaging. The wizards are here too of course, and they’re fun, you know what you’re getting from them by now, but the reason I call this “wizard-adjacent” is because they don’t really factor in much beyond the tertiary.

I can’t not mention Gaspode and Laddy, But more would be spoiling, just suffice to say Gaspode is a talking dog and he’s great.

Moving Pictures is a great satirical read and well worth it.

Star Wars: The High Republic: Race to Crashpoint Tower by Daniel Jose Older

Yeah, I didn’t care for this one. Reading it after having read stuff further along in the timeline that was better probably didn’t help, but I don’t think I’d have loved it anyway. A couple of hours on audible that didn’t leave much of an impression really, A minor part of the Republic Fair incident blown up into a short book that could’ve been a footnote without losing much. I may revise this statement if Ram Jomoram or any of the other characters show up later and are part of a work I enjoy, because this at least did the job of introducing them. The Drengir show up, and are fun for a bit, but they feel crowbarred in honestly. The moment to moment experience was fine, and not unpleasant in any way, but all in all this whole thing kind of feels like a filler arc, which many Star Wars novels do in my opinion, but The High Republic doesn’t usually, so that was disappointing.

An unnecessary entry that felt inconsequential, the best thing about it being that at least it was short.

Mogworld by Yahtzee Croshaw

I will first put a tiny bit of a content warning, this book has a few uses of the ableist slur beginning with “R” in it. But it was written before I think it was commonly accepted as one, just to make aware those that would want to be.

Okay, so Mogworld is the debut novel of Yahtzee Croshaw, primarily of Zero Punctuation fame. He’s done a fair few other things, I quite enjoyed Yahtzee’s Dev Diary myself. But you’re more likely to have encountered Zero Punctuation.

This was another audible, I didn’t actually finish this one before January ended, but I was more than halfway through, so I’m gonna put it here anyway. Mogworld follows a beginner level magic student called Jim, who is killed at the beginning and brought back decades later by a necromancer, who finds out only then, that he, and the entire horde he’s just resurrected, all have their personalities and free-will intact. A funny negotiation then takes place, which sets the tone really well, they all end up as undead minions in this necromancer’s fortress. All Jim wants is to find a way to die, and stay dead. He’s accompanied by Meryl, a fellow, much more optimistic undead from his homeland, who sews him back together again and tries desperately to coax him onto the path of the hero.

If I had to compare this book to anything, I’d say, imagine if the film Free Guy came out about a decade earlier, with more fantasy, and was written by a depressed Douglas Adams. Those are the kind of vibes this book gave me.

The story itself is a lot of fun, if feeling a little stretched in places. I couldn’t help but feel like the story was taking a few more detours than was necessary. I won’t complain though as I did enjoy those detours. The supporting characters largely feel like broad comic caricatures, but never quite to the point of feeling one-dimensional, there’s always the suggestion of deeper characterisation there, and their, for lack of a better term, personality-types feels very much like a deliberate part of the makeup.

Overall, Mogworld is a fun read, and a promising debut novel. I enjoyed it enough that I’ll be giving Yahtzee’s other books a read-through at some point I’m sure.

Bloody hell, I wasn’t expecting to write nearly 3,000 words. Must remember to write up my thoughts on books as soon as I read them, as opposed to at the end of the month.

Review: Andor: Season 1

Well, I am going to have to swallow my words, to a point.

I have, over the last few years or so, made an effort to delve into the Star Wars extended material, read about 15 books most, but not all, of the new canon, and watched basically all of the series Star Wars has put out, past and present. Over that time I’ve become increasingly of the opinion that Expanded Universe material is fine, but it’s not really for me. With the possible exception of The High Republic novels, which may or may not prove themselves otherwise, as I’m 3 books in at time of writing, Star Wars novels feel to me like filler arcs. The only definite exception being Dark Desciple by Christie Golden, which actually feels like part of the story of the Clone Wars series, which isn’t surprising given it was based on some unproduced episodes, but I digress.

The impression I’ve come away from all that with, is that extended material feels like lore for it’s own sake, which is fine, but not what I really like to go for. That, coupled with the recent Tales of the Jedi series actively contradicting some of them, I think it’s safe to say that I can take or leave EU material, at least that which uses legacy characters.

Enter Andor. A spin-off of a spin-off, about as “extended material” as it gets, that not only has me more compelled than anything Star Wars has put out in years, that I feel confident naming the best series on Disney Plus overall, but that may well be in the top ten series I’ve ever seen. (though I am aware of the potential recency bias at play here, so don’t hold me to that.)

It turns out my problem with Star Wars extended material is just that it wasn’t that great. Indeed, Andor damns much of the rest of the franchise by sheer contrast of quality. (and I’ve generally liked most of it, including what Disney has put out)

First let me start out by saying that Andor is a significant departure from usual Star Wars fare, if you go in expecting a the usual pulpy sci-fi action and reference-laden, meme-fodder dialogue, you’re going to find this series rather jarring. Andor is a political thriller with the emphasis much more on dialogue and drama than on action. Said dialogue is head and shoulders above what we’re used to hearing in the galaxy far, far away, and the much more grounded setting allows the themes of the franchise a new dimension of exploration.

For the first time in Star Wars visual media, we’re seeing laid bare the human cost of living under a tyrannical empire, and also that of rebelling against one. Never failing to impress upon us the insidious banality of lawful evil, coupled with the bursts of blatant abuse of power that help the former go unnoticed. Andor shows us at every turn that rebellion is a messy business, and that sometimes cleaning up means getting one’s hands dirty. The emphasis on small-scale personal stakes may be jarring at first, and the series does take a few episodes to really get going, but once it did, I found myself waiting on tenterhooks week-to-week

One of the things I find most refreshing about Andor is that it has the confidence in it’s own story to not rely on references to, or cameos from, the wider canon. Sure, there are Easter Eggs aplenty, and one of the major characters does happen to be Mon Mothma, (who is *fantastic* in this, by the way) but at no point did I feel like my appreciation of this series was dependent on my pre-existing fondness for Star Wars

I don’t want to spoil anything, just on the off-chance that someone reading this hasn’t watched it or given it a chance yet, but Stellan Skarsgard gives a consistently show-stealing performance as Luthen, the leader of a pre-alliance rebel cell, who gives us a great look at some of the logistical struggles of organised rebellion, and the compromises to morality required to make it all work.

Another great performance I have to mention comes from Andy Serkis as Kino Loy. I don’t want to spoil more than that except to say that Andy Serkis remains a criminally underappreciated performer, who I hope we see again in the future.

None of this is to take away from Diego Luna, who is also fantastic as the titular character. If I were tasked with making a spin-off series for a Star Wars character, never in a million years would I have thought to choose Cassian Andor. Luna proves himself worthy of the mantle of leading man in every conceivable way, as he makes the journey from wily everyman, to reluctant accomplice to willing rebel.

If I stick to just praising individual actors then season 2 will likely be out by the time I finish writing this review, just take it as read that everyone is really good, because they are.

The series also looks fantastic, the locations feel lived in and give the universe a rare sense of scale, managing to make a single TIE fighter feel intimidating at one point. Each location exudes personality from the slick, intimidating offices of the ISB, to the sterile and stifling Narkina 5, to the grungy slums of Ferrix, and the use of frames within frames throughout the series to highlight the feel of the moment is exceptional.

I haven’t even mentioned the villains yet, true to the rest of the series, the villains of the piece are less arch and broad than usual Star Wars fare, but all the more horrifyingly familiar for it. From interrogation officers that are too fond of their job, to ambitious climbers in a tyrannical regime, and all of these somehow competed with in dispicability by a single, toxic parent.

The pacing is slow, and the action scenes, few and far between, but they’re bloody good when they happen, and the downtime is filled with compelling characters and interesting worldbuilding. I’d go as far as to say the pacing is perfect for what the show is trying to do. That said, if it doesn’t scratch your Star Wars itch, I do understand, and there’ll always be The Mandalorian to look forward to.

Andor is not going to be for everyone, and, if you’re insulting the intelligence of people who don’t like it, you are a prick, and that’s not how you get people to listen. It is completely understandable that it might just not be what you want out of Star Wars. But if you like a more grounded, everyday look at the galaxy, and a rare glimpse of life under the empire for the average person. Coupled with dialogue of rare quality and well-written character drama making what action the show does have all the more impactful for it. I recommend this to you without reservation.

Quarantine Diary: Continuous entry(?)

Okay so my previous promise in March to start writing more turned out to be a total lie, sorry about that. 

At time of writing I have my doubts I'm even going to finish this post, but let's just start writing and see what happens. And just like that I left it there for about 24 hours before returning to write this sentence telling you that, so that didn't go well. 

And I don't even know how many days it's been since I wrote that, this is not going well at all. 

so, here I sit, at 2:16am, and struggling to sleep even though there's no way I should. Doctor started me on a benzo to treat anxiety, not sure if it's the entire problem, but I am worried about eventual withdrawal, even though it is a very small dose, I was supposed to call back today, but I couldn't get through in time for a consultation, they were all gone by the time I got to the front of the queue, on Monday, when I do, I'll ask about that. if there's one thing the last couple of months have taught me it's that I do not tolerate illness well, so I do NOT want to deal with withdrawal. 

of course being cooped up in here for ten months didn't do my mental state any favours, so I'm glad of the help. I'd really like to be COVID vaccinated already so I can at least take one thing off my mind.

It's now 3:20am on Thursday the 18th of February as I sit and type this. I'm not doing well, honestly, not doing well at all.

I've been having one problem after another and they don't seem to be stopping. the anxiety isn't going away. Mum's tried to get me an inoculation so I might at least be able to go outside, but no luck. I've got to say I'm getting close to the end of my proverbial tether. every problem I have I hope it will go away if I give it a few days, and some do, but by then another has surfaced. I hate to whine like this but I really am getting sick of it. I might just leave this unposted until I'm satisfied I'm not going to add more to it, sort of a record of thoughts, that I, for some reason have the inclination to get down, but we'll see. 

08:26am on the same day, just had to sign for a delivery, guy comes RIGHT the fuck up to me with no mask on. Jumped straight in the shower afterward, but that's cold comfort at best, no proof that does anything 

11:25pm, same day. in pain in several places, anxiety spiking and receding now and then, cannot get enough water. Upon further thought I reckon I'm just going to post this now, and edit and add to it if I get any more thoughts to put down. seems like kind of a waste if I never post it. I've never felt less secure than I do now, so I don't know, maybe I'll feel better leaving some kind of log,

Quarantine Diary: Entry 1

It's been a while since I published anything here that wasn't also a Youtube video (I'd put out more of both but video-editing takes a long time and is something I find specifically very hard to stay focused with) but it's not like I'm particularly busy right now, let's be honest, few people are.

So, long and short of it is, I'm basically in quarantine until this lockdown situation is over. Technically I'm part of two high-risk groups, as I have both Cerebral Palsy and Asthma, luckily for me, the former doesn't really affect me in any way that I think would exacerbate the effects of COVID-19 (which my friends and I, for shorthand have taken to calling the C-Virus, because it sounds a bit like something from Resident Evil) and my asthma is rarely an issue, and even when it is, a couple of doses of an inhaler and I'm usually fine. (though it can be made much more of one if I also have a cold) still, better safe than sorry. Especially since someone in my household is also disadvantaged in the event of catching it, so regardless, we cannot risk having it in the house.

It has been at least two weeks since I left the house at all, and the last two times I did were both trips out for supplies culminating in less than an hour. The last time I went "out" out, was the first of March when I went to see Jollyboat at the Firebug in Leicester (who you should definitely look up if you haven't) the venue was small, so, so was the crowd, maybe 30-50 people, didn't do a head count. In any case, I'm pretty sure if I caught anything there I'd know by now, almost a month later. So, if nothing else, at least I can be sure that if the virus does make it into the house it won't be me that brought it here. Besides, I may well be the least symptomatic person in the house, so at least guilt won't be an issue.

So, despite having self-isolated for several weeks, I only thought to write this entry on the 28th of March, 2020, Perhaps I would've wrote more if I had more to report, but honestly, the last two or three weeks I've barely left my room, for a week after I developed some mild but specific symptoms I didn't leave my room at all, then I came out to discover that everyone else in the house seemed to be feeling worse than me, and went right back in there.

Mentally, it's a weird one, my default position is that I basically idle as an anxious mess. Weirdly enough I'm not that. I don't want to get into too many specifics, but this upset in the status quo makes one of my great constant worries incredibly unlikely, (If you've talked to me lately there's at least an even chance you know what I'm talking about) which, now that I'm not currently anxious about that, I realise how much I constantly was. Ironically, I have more peace and calm of mind now, in a time of global crisis, than I do on a regular day, which, honestly, feels kind of fucked up, but oh well, every cloud.

I really want to try to get some creative momentum going, now that I have the time for it and no expectation of really doing anything, but so far I've managed to spend at least a week replaying the Shenmue games and re-watching BoJack Horseman yet again. I have a script for a video-essay that desperately needs editing down (it's 21,000 words long and really rambly) a novel I want to finish writing, and at least 5 other projects I could be getting to work on, and yet I can't seem to get the ball rolling on any of them. I'm sure I'll get it going eventually, but for now, I'm stuck somewhat in limbo there.

Also, for the last year or so, this blog hasn't really done much but serve as a kind of promotional arm for my YouTube channel, and I don't really like that, so I'm going to try to remedy that by writing more. I'm better at that anyway.

So yeah, those are basically my thoughts right now, for anyone who might be curious or bored enough to read them, how you all holding up? You good? I hope so.

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (Spoiler-Free!)

TEXT VERSION

Right off the bat I have to acknowledge my surprise at the quality of this movie. If you
followed development, you’ll know there was a bit of shall we say, dissatisfaction from the fan-base regarding the appearance of Sonic himself. The film was, of course, delayed to rectify this. However,
my logic at the time was that a studio that thought little enough of Sonic to give him a design liable to later become an actual sleep-paralysis demon, was unlikely to care enough about the property
to make a good Sonic movie. Even putting that aside, I wasn’t exactly sold on the initial trailer. Gangster’s paradise is never a fitting song for Sonic regardless of the percentage of his life spent
living in one, and it showcases my single least-favourite scene featuring Jim Carrey’s Dr. Robotnik, and honestly little else I considered of note. I therefore assumed, that even though Sonic was being fixed up, the change would ultimately make a bad movie look a little better, and therefore be less noteworthy for no longer also being nightmare-fuel. Add to that the usual level of quality to be expected from Video game movie adaptations (with one or two exceptions but by their virtue a nevertheless proven rule) and I assumed the film would go from being hilariously bad, to simply bad, at best.

For this reason I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie at all, which is why this review is coming so late. But when I saw the review scores and a few figures I follow speaking to the surprising quality of this film, I became curious. Nevertheless, it is a videogame adaptation, and that trailer was still in my mind, so I went into the theatre with duly tempered expectations, which may have coloured my experience, so I should mention that.

Guys, I cannot remember the last time I was so pleasantly surprised and glad to be wrong.

So yeah I really enjoyed this movie. I’m probably going to see it again just to see how it stands up to repeat viewings, but going along for the ride this first time I had a blast. James Marsden is a likeable human sidekick for Sonic, in fact the entire cast is largely likeable
unless designed not to be. Ben Schwartz is not the voice I’m used to Sonic having, (I’m going mostly off my memories of playing Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 here) but he makes the roll his own and after a few minutes I stopped noticing, This version of Sonic is endearingly dorky, which plays well off James Marsden’s Tom Wachowski, (at least I think that's how you pronounce it) who is a more straight-faced version of the same. The story is essentially a road-trip movie with a chase element, and speaking of which, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention their pursuer.

So here we are folks, Jim Carrey makes his big-budget comeback, and a few years ago whoever would’ve thought that the character he chooses to return to the big screen with would be Doctor Robotnik? And you know what else? It really works! Jim Carrey in this movie is as Jim Carrey as he’s ever been, there’s one particular sequence where he’s dancing with his machines that felt for all the world like a segment from Carrey’s heyday. His legendary manic energy is spectacularly present and he lends himself incredibly to the character of Robotnik. Welcome back sir!

The plot is nothing groundbreaking, a standard comedy road trip with the wholesome themes of togetherness you’d expect from anything Sonic, but the characters really do make it work.

There are one or two nitpicks I could make, like the rampant product placement, but some of it was so blatant as to actually be funny, so I’ll let some of that slide. There are road-trip tropes abound with this movie, but with Sonic, so I suppose that does keep it at least somewhat fresh, even if he cribs some of the slow-motion running schtick from Quicksilver in the X-Men movies. But None of this film is badly done, even if little of it is anything too new.

The redesign of Sonic was of course the right decision in my opinion, even in this exact film, I think I would’ve found the original design of Sonic distracting, at the very least. Bottom line, this

movie put me in a good mood, by regular standards, it’s a perfectly serviceable family movie with plenty of fun to be had if you’re into what it does. Which by the, considerably lower standards set by Videogame movies, is fucking great!

Sonic the Hedgehog is a ton of fun, and definitely worth seeing if you have any interest at all in the source material, or Jim Carrey, for whom this is a great return to form. Even if you’re not, but you have kids, you should definitely take them, I think they’ll love it, and wouldn’t bet against you being pleasantly surprised yourself.

8/10. I expected to
give this around 2 or 3, and I’m glad to be wrong. Could we be seeing the beginning of an era of competent game adaptations? Only time will tell, but with Detective Pikachu last year, and Sonic now, I’d say we’re off to a promising start.